The Transformation Pt. I

Written by Ourali

This work was last updated March 21, 2016

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(This is a snippet from my main work, which I haven't found a good name for yet. The five are currently just inside a forest, having just gotten out of the territory where they were being chased. They're on their way to one of the larger cities of the land. However, a couple things happen along the way that slow down their progress, and this is one of them.)

Eva awoke before the others to a sense of peace washing over her. Her troubles seemed far away, and she could almost pretend that she was back on earth as she lay in the grass. The long strands of greenery blocked parts of her vision, allowing her to only see up to the leafy canopy and to the snippets of blue sky above.

It was then that she began feeling little tingles in the tips of her fingers and toes.

It started out as tiny tickles, little pinpricks of feeling as if she were softly petting a cat. They didn’t bother her, but as the group began to trek on deeper into the evergreen forest the tingles became stronger, spreading to the point where by nightfall the tingles were up to her elbows.

As they stopped, Irida and Eva set off together in the direction of a stream. Irida seemed to be a very quick study when it came to English, as even within the short time it had taken them to travel to that point, she could already communicate in a very rudimentary way. As they climbed over the occasional fallen trunk, they worked up a rhythm; Irida would point to an object and say it’s name in Illithi’enn, while Eva would say the word in English.

Irida would point more often than Eva, being the one with the most energy at the end of the long hike.


“'Yura', tree.”



And so it continued that way. When the two arrived at the stream, they found that it was more like a river; almost two metres wide, it rushed at a leisurely pace through the thin underbrush.

Irida gasped excitedly, running forward so quickly that she couldn’t stop before falling into the river. Eva laughed at Irida, quickly taking off her shoes and folding her pants so that she could run in and assist her.

However, even before Eva could get into the water, Irida was standing, giggling furiously as she stood dripping. Eva, without a second thought about propriety, took off her clothing until she was down to her undergarments. She ran into the river, finding that the river was about mid-calf high whereas it was nearly knee high for Irida.

The shorter girl pointed up the stream, turning so that her finger could point from either end of the river until they couldn’t see the end anymore.



Irida ran her fingers through the cool water with her delicate fingers, bringing them together into a cup and lifting a bit of the water towards Eva.



Barely before the word left Eva’s tongue was Irida throwing the water at Eva, splashing her bare stomach while shrieking.

The two young women bathed playfully, taking much longer than it should’ve for them to finish. The sun had long gone down behind the distant mountains by the time they picked their clothing up and started their trek back to the camp.

The troupe slept soundly that night, unafraid of anyone that would come and cause them any harm. The stars shone brightly above the foliage, the sky bright enough that the vivid purples bled through the thick leaves.

The next morning, however, the tingles in Eva’s body had spread to her entire body. They had progressed from little tingles to sharp pinpricks that were more of a discomfort than pain. Even as she dressed and grabbed her pack, she found that she couldn’t be comfortable in any position she took on.

“Are you alright?” Aodhan asked, pausing beside her as she readjusted her pack for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Yeah, yeah, I just think I was bitten by bugs last night. I must’ve slept on an ant hill or something.”

“If the discomfort continues, tell me. I may be a fantastic brewer, but I’m a fair healer as well.” He replied, his green eyes lighting up with a twinkle. “Although, Zathuras was always the healer of the two. He’s one of the best healers that Yaria’s ever met; he’s quite the hero at the main healing centre in Crystansia City." Aodhan paused, his features going slack as the realization hit him. "You know what, I might even have a brew already made for you.”

Aodhan took off his pack and unwrapped the strings roughly, causing the liquids inside to slosh around in their glass vials. He quickly surveyed each of them, mumbling incoherently as he named each of them by colour and consistency.

“Ah! Here we go, this should at least lessen the discomfort. I’m sorry, it’s a bit bitter. There are some Icelandic 'evos’temnin' in there.”

Eva took the glass and unfastened it, immediately smelling the bitterness. The liquid inside was releasing a vapour, barely visible in the early morning light.

“'Evos’temnin'?” She asked as she took a large glug. They winced at the same time, Eva from the terrible taste and Aodhan in sympathy.

“Hmm, they’re berries found in the caves in the far north-western mountains in the Icelands. It’s a word in Ethioli, the language of the Icelands. I think they roughly translate to direberries, or something of the sort. They’re known for being extremely poisonous, but they’re quite harmless when brewed the way I brewed them. In fact, their effect just makes you feel numb.”

“Oh. Fascinating.” Eva replied, drinking the last of it in another large gulp and refastening the vial with a wince. “Thank you, though.”

Aodhan’s lips pulled up in a half-smile that Eva couldn’t resist returning. It’s affect was so adorable to Eva that she almost giggled.

“You’re quite welcome. Tell me if it gets worse.”


As the day wore on and the sun rose higher, Eva found that the liquid she had drank barely took a toll on the discomfort. It was gradually rising, becoming an ache that began in her chest and spread very quickly to the rest of her body as they hiked. By the time they stopped for lunch, Eva’s chest was starting to feel like she had been stabbed repeatedly.



“It’s worse.” Eva informed him, wincing as she sat down gratefully on a fallen log. “Much worse.”

Aodhan’s face twisted with worry, immediately becoming serious as he knelt down beside her.

“Where does it hurt the worst?”

“My chest. I think it’s my heart.”

Aodhan sighed, his eyebrows furrowing in thought. “Is it alright if I touch your chest? I could try to heal you from your shoulder, but actually touching the source of the pain will be much quicker.”

Eva nodded in permission. She took off her top layer so that she was only in her thin camisole from Earth. Aodhan regarded her chest with what seemed to be scientific interest, which was a far cry from the hungry expressions some men would take on back on Earth.

“Those are some interesting breast bindings. I don’t know what kinds of effects they have on the body over time. Could they be the source?”




“Alright. I’ll try this then.”

Aodhan gently pressed the heel of his palm against the groove in between her breasts, closing his eyes as he concentrated. Eva could finally see up close what it seemed to be like when a Crystansian would use their powers, and she found it incredibly fascinating.

It was then that she could begin feeling the warmth in her chest as the energy he was pushing forth filled her. It was an incredible feeling, unlike anything she had ever felt before. It felt like warm water spreading slowly, touching every pore and every vein and artery. Being able to quantify the feeling made it that much more real to Eva.

However, the pain became much more prominent when his energy seeped into her skin.

“Oh, god, stop. That’s making it worse.”

Aodhan pulled his hand away sharply, the spot where his fingers had sat going immediately cold. However, his energy remained and kept her a bit warm through the pain.

Eva smiled at Aodhan, thanking him with a nod of her head.

It was at that moment that a sudden searing pain made her feel like she was being torn apart.

Tags: fantasy snippet my main novel cliff hanger, transformation, pt., the


Sounds pretty good. I have no idea what the context is, but I kind of want to know now.

Edenstudent - almost 7 years ago

I really really like this! It's definitely an interesting snippet and gives us a good (but brief) glimpse into the obviously very in-depth world you created. I especially loved the bonding between the two girls despite (and in some ways because of) their language barrier. I'm definitely interested in reading more, and I want to know what happens to these people. Just like a tiny comment on aesthetics, it may be easier on the eyes for reading if you double space between paragraphs? That may just be my own personal preference though haha. Great work!

ErinRoach - almost 7 years ago

In the original document it's at 1.5 spacing, but that's actually a good idea to put spaces in between when I transfer it here. I'll do that next time! Thank you guys!

Ourali - almost 7 years ago

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